Stop.. Look.. Go..

I've been thinking... What I feel about HT is not healthy... What I have with HT is not healthy... What I hope to have with HT is not healthy... We are both healthy people but we cannot be US because it will be awfully unhealthy! That's it! I shall put a STOP to everything! May God give me the strength to do so...

walau jauh beribu batu...

Berikut adalah perbualan sms antara aku dan HT petang tadi. Dia telah pun sampai di Tokyo, lebih 24 jam yang lalu..

1637 Aku rindu: u tengah makan sushi ke?

1640 HT jauh: hehe.. Tengah bergurau senda ngan minah jepun

1643 Aku rindu: Eeeee..... Menci! :P Menurut pak nujum, bulan ni bukan masa yang sesuai untuk berada di Jepun.. Baik u balik m'sia cepat!

1644 HT jauh: Ur hp ada 3g ke?

1646 Aku rindu: Ada. But I tengah drive.. Lg 10minit sampai umah.

Aku tipu sebenarnya! aku sampai umah lebih kurang 2 minit selepas sms terakhir. Sengaja aku tak bagi dia call awal sebab 2 perkara :

1. Aku nak pastikan 3G aku ok. Baru pagi tadi di tempat kerja aku aktifkan 3G aku.. Hmmm.. macam tau-tau je akan ada pangilan 3G dari Tokyo! Ahaks..

2. Nak reapply bedak and lipstik! Muka berminyak sioooottt!

So, aku pun telefon Kak Bunga dengan menggunakan 3G. Dia nampak aku, aku nampak aku! Confirm 3G aku baoleh digunapakai. Pastu aku pun touch up muka, betulkan tudung dan make sure takde cili or daging ayam or apa-apa sisa makanan terlekat kat gigi. Bila dah puas hati...

1659 Aku rindu: Ok, dah sampai umah

Seminit lepas tu, hp aku berbunyi.. Terus aku angkat.. Tak sabar nak tengok muka hensem tu.. Tapi.. entah nape, tak keluar apa2.. cuma ada satu bunyi yg panjang macam bunyi mesin faks. Adus! Ni mesti 3G aku yg problem ni! Terus aku end the call. Pastu aku buat video call kat dia.. and he picked up.. And I saw him.. He was on his bed. He laughed sheepishly. I laughed nervously too. He looked soooo good looking in his white and blue striped sweatshirt. His hair was uncombed which gave him a naughty look. Pastu dia tunjukkan pandangan dari hotel dia. I could see the crowded city through his hp. Dia terangkan sikit pasal tempat tu.. Dia kata kalau dia pergi tempat yang menarik lepas ni, dia akan buat video call.. so, aku tak payah le pergi Jepun katanya... Terus aku buat suara merajuk! hehehe... Then he showed me his room. It was quite big and nice. Minah jepun yg dia cakap tadi tu actually from the TV. Then he went back to the bed. Once in a while he nervously brushed his hair using his fingers. The bed was huge but he slept there alone... hmm.. that gave me a kinky idea!!! hahahaha... Then he explained bout his trip. Sekarang ni di akat tokyo.. Esok dia akan bergerak ke Kyoto. Lepak sana a few days, pastu gerak ke Hiroshima.. Pastu ke another city yang aku tak ingat namanya.. pastu baru balik M'sia next wednesday... Hmmm... lamanya Wednesday tu nak datang! ahak.. ahak..

Anyway, dapat le jugak aku melepaskan rindu pada dia.... harap dia tak nakal-nakal di negara matahari terbit tu! hik hik hik... =D

bahagia dalam bahaya atau bahaya dalam bahagia?

He finally called me around 4pm today. He said he couldnt call earlier for he was with family members and 'tak selesa nak bercakap dgn family' katanya... Anyway, we talked about yesterday's programme . He sais everything was ok and boss seemed very supportive. About my speech, he was very impressed of my skill in meng'AMPU'ing my boss! hahahaha... he got it rite though! I did a lot of mengampuing.. but, who cares? The boss liked it and I emerged the winner! Need I to say more? hehe... Then I asked him about his trip to Japan. Apparently he would be there for 9 days starting tomorrow. He would only be back next wednesday. Actually he was supposed to go yesterday. But, because of my programme, his partner went first and he would only leave tomorrow. Isn't that sweet? Ni yang buat aku jatuh makin dalam ni.... BAHAYA... Keadaan semakin bahaya... Tapi..... BAHAGIA !!!! Macam mana ni?

of high and low...

Alhamdulillah everything went well today... Walaupun ada a few hiccups in the programme, they were minor and subtle that just a handful of guests noticed them.

The day started with the important breakfast with the BIG shot which turned out to be warm and meaningful. Then I rushed to the meeting hall for the rehearsal. In between rehearsal and last minute patching up preparation, I managed to write my speech. At first I planned to do it without a written script. I tried to speak from my heart, but I couldnt. I usually fail to give an impromptu speech in front of my boss, and knowing HT would be there, had just made it worse!

HT came around 3.15pm. My jaw dropped when he walked out of the lift. He looked stunningly good looking in his casual batik that wrapped up his tough body just nicely. His tall figure filled the room. He looked straight at me and I smiled broadly. I hope he didn't see how widen my eyes were and how gatal my smile was when he was approaching me. I said hi and ushered him to the hall. A lot of people had already taken their seats. I showed HT where he was supposed to sit on the stage. Then I went down to wait for my boss. He joined me afterwards. Boss was a bit late and I was freaking out. No, not because he was late, but because I was so damn nervous!!! HT was with me but we didnt say much for there were other people with us. Yup, we are usually like that.. pretending we were acquaintance rather than friends in front of people. Boss finally came and we ushered him to the hall. We took our seat. Boss was in the middle of course and I was on his right. HT was on the far left. After reciting doa and singing the National Anthem, it was my turn to give my speech. Gosh, was I nervous!!! But, surprisingly I was able to hide it and sounded confident. The speech was unexpectedly superb! Boss said so! Well, he didnt say that to my face of course, but he told some of his officers and the words came back to me! I was over the hill! And... HT had his eyes fixed on me the whole 7 minutes of my speech! I hope he was finding it good as well and was impressed with me!

During the refreshment, I was sandwiched by the boss on my right and and HT on my left. I pretended to be cool but inside, my heart was blooming like a field of roses in spring! He casually took my cup and filled it with tea. And I casually took his plate and scooped some fried meehoon onto it. He ate it all, I, on the other hand, just took one karipap. I was still nervous to eat more. And then HT dropped the bombshell! He was going to Japan on Monday! Without me!!! He was not taking me with him! I had told him over and over again how I wanted to go there! With him!! I was sad but I hid it. Menci!!!

He left 10 minutes before boss left. I went back to the hall and resumed my programme. By 7.10pm I was done with everything and was awfully famished. With some friends, I went for dinner. Called HT to know his whereabouts, and found out he was already in his kampung meeting up his family and friends. He promised to call when he got the time. It was already 10pm. He didnt reply my sms nor did he call. I'm sleepy now.. But I'm happy and the memory of this afternoon was playing vividly in my mind. I'm soaring high and higher... at the same time falling deep and deeper.. Is that good?

dak... dik.... dup....

Hati ini berdebar sepanjang hari.. esok aku akan bertemu dengan si dia yang Hensem Tinggi.. Tadi dia dah menelefon ku untuk mengconfirmkan waktu dan tempat pertemuan... Bukan, kami bukan bertemu untuk makan tengahari atau minum petang atau makan malam (walaupun itu yang aku inginkan.. gatal kan? hehe..) kami bertemu untuk satu program.. aku yang buat program tu dan dia adalah sponsor utama.. dan apa yang lebih membuatkan aku berdebar ialah aku perlu berucap di depan dia!!! Inilah pertama kali aku akn berucap depan HT! Inilah pertama kali dia akan mendengar aku berucap! Dia mesti seronok nak dengar ucapan aku.. Aku plak dah rasa setengah mati dah ni! Sekarang dah jam 6 petang.. teks ucapan tak siap lagi.. Malam ni pula ada program.. Mungkin jam 11 malam baru balik... Seawal 8 pagi esok pula perlu ke airport untuk menyambut ketibaan *** dan mungkin breakfast terus dengan dia dan isteri. Program yang aku buat dengan HT pula start 3.30 petang.. Adus, sempat ke akau nak buat speech yang bagus ni? Fenin! Fenin!

p/s: Jangan main-main, tukang cuci pun kena berucap!!!

panggilan bahagia..

Bahagianya hari ni... HT called!!! I was toiling with FB when my phone rang. Was surprised to see his number and let it rang for a while.. tak nak le angkat cepat sangat.. takut nampak gelojoh! hehe..

Aku bahagia : Akum

HT pujaan : Wslm. Kat mana?

Aku bahagia : Kat umah

HT pujaan : Buat apa?

Aku bahagia: Tengah ngadap skrin laptop... surf internet.

HT pujaan : Tak datang MU ke?

Aku bahagia : Tak.

HT pujaan : Nape?

Aku bahagia : Entah.. Macam malas la.. U kat mana ni?

HT pujaan : I kat MU la.. I ingat u ada kat sini..

Fuiyo... HT cari aku kat MU! Dia berharap berjumpa aku di MU! Aku sedang terbang... terbang tinggi.. huhu!

Aku bahagia : La... ye ke? I memang tak de plan nak g sana. Memang ada yang bertanya minta I pergi, tak pun hantar bebudak I ke sana.. tapi, biarlah.. biar orang tempatan yang buat kerja. U buat apa kat sana?

HT pujaan : I ikut Dato' ****. I ingat u dan kwan2 ada kat sini..

Aku bahagia : U sampai kat sana bila?

HT pujaan : Baru sampai semalam. I ingat esok nak balik lah..

Aku bahagia : Cepatnya?

HT pujaan : Boringlah.. bukannya ada u dan lelain...

Dan aku terbang terus ke bulan...

Dan kami terus bersembang... tapi kemudiannya terpaksa cut short because he had on coming call.

About 20 minutes later, he called again.. and we continued talking.. At one point he asked me bout my friend M whom he met last week. She asked for financial contribution from his company to organize educational programs for kindergarten kids. Dengan selamba aku cakap kat dia "U jangan kerap sangat jumpa M nanti I jeles!" hehehe... gelojoh tak aku? He just laughed at my statement... pastu tetiba terputus... tapi, dalam seminit he called again and we resumed our conversation... I told him that he forgot wishing me on my birthday. He apologised guiltily. I said he must compensate it with a return ticket to Tokyo. Again he laughed that merry laugh. Dan aku terus terbang tinggi dan hati berbunga-bunga dan muka berseri-seri.

Aku pasti aku akan mimpi indah malam ni.. Jangan mimpi basah sudah la! huahuahua...

Terima kasih HT kerana menelefon... Terima kasih kerana mengingati... Kau selalu di hati...

kena ganti la..

Hari ni aku pose... pose ganti... 8 hari aku tinggal pose tahun lepas... baru ari ni nak start... Tapi alhamdulillah, tak rasa penat sangat walaupun banyak berjalan dan bercakap.. Pastu drive sana sini menyelesaikan beberapa 'field work'. Sampai umah pun dah dekat pukul 5. Mak masak simple je.. Aku tak kisah sangat asalkan ada telur goreng jadilah.. Mak pun pose gak ari ni.. Asalnya nak pose isnin dan khamis je.. tapi tadi waktu tengah berbuka, my brother called. He was at the pasar malam and asked what do we want. Mak order jagung rebus dan aku order keropok lekor. Tapi, bila dia datang umah, dia bagi sekali dgn tiga bungkus nasi lemak daun pisang. So, now dah kenyang kebuntat! Nasi lemak tu akan dijadikan sahur kejap lagi.. Maka, terpaksalah pose lagi esok.. bagus la juga kan? cepat skit habis gantinya! hehe...

Ok, nasi lemak dah memanggil-manggil... jemput makan... =D

deroyan oh deroyan

Rasanya aku ni bukan le hantu deroyan sangat... kalau ada, makan. Kalau takde, tak le kemaruk sangat nak membelinya.. Tapi entah nape kali ni, tersangat le giler nak makan deroyan. Masa mula-mula musim deroyan bermula lebih kurang 2-3 minggu lepas, aku cool je... tak nak beli lagi sebab tau harga mesti mahal sebab buah tak banyak lagi.. Sekarang dah murah skit.. buah pun elok-elok.. So, aku pun bagi duit kat abah suruh beli durian.. Abah memang terror bab beli durian ni.. kalau aku yang pegi beli, dah tentu kena tipu hidup-hidup dek penjual tu..

Hari pertama abah beli, aku makan sebiji buah durian.. ada lebih kurang 12 ulasnye.. bagi orang lain, apalah sangat sebiji tu kan? Tapi, bagi aku, dah dikira banyak dah tu.. selalunya aku makan dalam 6-8 ulas je.. Pastu esoknya aku suruh abah beli lagi.. Balik keje je mesti makan.. Pastu aku suruh lagi abah beli.. Walaupun perut kenyang macam mana pun, kalau ada durian dalam rumah, mesti telan gak at least 5-6 ulas... ish.. ish.. not healthy, but i cant help it la... hehe..

Tadi makan lagi deroyan.. abah kata esok nak beli lagi! yum! yum! sedapnye deroyan!!!